Monday, March 10, 2003 - After feasting for the night, the vampire scratches an entry into its preternatural die-ary before retiring, a cherished gift for any dearly departed. And in the “I didn’t know he played computer games” Department, Albert Einstein wrote “Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius, and a lot of courage, to move in the opposite direction.” Though I’d swap genius and fool, clearly, TIME Magazine’s Man of the Century was speaking to me. It’s cut the muster, not cut the mustard. Crops are raised; children are reared. Dinner is done; people are finished. Me? I’m cooked.

Tuesday, March 11, 2003 - This sort of thing really stands out on a résumé. John Belushi in Animal House is my inspiration and I’m proud to say that I’ve employed his trick in high level meetings at Philips, Mattel, Warner Bros. and Disney. This perhaps explains why I’m no longer working at Philips, Mattel, Warner Bros. and Disney. Yet Dwight D. Eisenhower said “A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.” Helitzer adds “Good humor is a paradox. The unexpected juxtaposition of the reasonable next to the unreasonable.” And Mel Brooks sums it up “Humor is just another defense against the universe.”

Wednesday, March 12, 2003 - Morris wrote in to ask “What do you call this type of puzzle? T RN.” I dunno. I’m still trying to get homonym and homophone straight. Homophones are words, such as night and knight, that are pronounced the same but differ in meaning. Homonyms are words that have the same sound and the same spelling but differ in meaning such as check, check, check, and check, respectively defined as an inspection for accuracy or quality, a bill at a restaurant, a written bank order, and a move in chess that threatens the King but doesn’t constitute a checkmate. (What a waste of a perfectly good nym!) Your turn — NO U TURN.