Sunday, September 21, 2003 - The U.S. Navy wanted the bridge to be painted with black and yellow stripes to assure greater visibility for passing ships, but architect Irving F. Morrow insisted upon “International Orange” for his Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. Muhammad Ali points out “Silence is golden when you can’t think of a good answer.” Eugene Ionesco asserts “Explanation separates us from astonishment, which is the only gateway to the incomprehensible.” And David Russell maintains “The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn.” And once the Golden Gate Bridge was painted “International Orange,” it only needed touch ups, here and there, for the next 27 years.

Monday, September 22, 2003 - Paper covers rock. Scissors cut paper. Rock breaks scissors. Thomas Shaffer claims the game is based on patterns, so the odds of winning increase as a player better observes his opponent. “At first I believed it was a game of luck,” Shaffer said. “But most people open with scissors and novice players rarely throw the same thing twice in a row.” Shaffer recruited 75 classmates for a rock-paper-scissors tournament at his High School. Shaffer managed to back up his bluster, making the final round by winning 19 matches in a row, but in the end, he lost to Jeff Leggett. “It’s not about luck or patterns,” Leggett said. “It’s about being on your game and psyching out your opponent.”

Tuesday, September 23, 2003 - Before David Hedison was Capt. Lee B. Crane on the submarine Seaview, he starred in 1958’s The Fly. The AMC Movie Channel aired the film the other night and, well, that ought to explain today’s mug shot. Viewers only familiar with David Cronenberg’s remake of The Fly in 1986 with Jeff Goldblum wouldn’t know the reference of “help me, help meee...,” but those who are familiar with the reference now have a unique insight into my soul these days as I craft The Fool and his Money. Apparently, Todd Lincoln is remaking The Fly again for 2004. Perhaps he felt compelled to return to the original’s spider web. 1959’s Return of the Fly, 15 years after his father’s experiments failed, the son screws up as well.

Wednesday, September 24, 2003 - Alas, I was a fool to believe I could craft The Fool and his Money in less than a year. Both The Fool’s Errand and 3 in Three took a year each. What was I thinking? The Final Official Drop-Dead Sue-Me-for-Damages release date is...

I apologize for the suspense, but I do not apologize for taking the time to make The Fool and his Money as unique and original as its predecessor. You deserve it.
Thursday, September 25, 2003 - From the Official British Headquarters for “How to Speak like a Pirate.” Bilge rat – The bilge is the lowest level of the ship. It’s loaded with ballast and slimy, reeking water. A bilge rat, then, is a rat that lives in the worst place on the ship. “Avast, you stinking bilge rat!” Bung hole – Victuals on a ship were stored in wooden casks. The stopper in the barrel is called the bung, and the hole is called the bung hole. When dinner is served, you say, “Well, me hearties, let’s see what crawled out of the bung hole.” Smartly - Do something quickly. “Smartly, me lass,” you might say when sending the bar maid off for another round. She will be so impressed she might well spit in your grog.
Friday, September 26, 2003 - The Washington Post invites readers to take a word from the dictionary, alter one letter, and supply a new definition. Cashtration is the act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. Sarchasm is the gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it. Intaxication is euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with. Bozone is the gaseous layer surrounding stupid people that prevents bright ideas from penetrating. Reintarnation is coming back to life as a hillbilly. Caterpallor is the color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating.
Saturday, September 27, 2003 - I saw a man about to jump off a bridge and I shouted “Stop! don’t do it!” “Why shouldn’t I?” he said. I said, “Well, there’s so much to live for!” He said, “Like what?” I said, “Well, are you religious or atheist?” He said, “Religious.” I said, “Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?” He said, “Protestant.” I said, “Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?” He said, “Baptist!” I said, “Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?” He said, “Baptist Church of God!” I said, “Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?” He said, “Reformed Baptist Church of God!” I said, “Die, heretic scum,” and I pushed him off. — Emo Phillips