Sunday, December 14, 2003 - I don’t miss it, but whatever happened to it? A 1960’s film gimmick known as the zoom lens, used well in Clockwork Orange and, well, used in Planet of the Apes. A slow zoom-in made any character appear to be thinking. A quick zoom-in made any character appear to be startled. For decades now, the camera moves through space on SteadiCam or crane on dolly on tracks. But you can always spot a movie made in the 60’s when they zoom in and out like a magnifying glass attached to the slide of a trombone. And whatever happened to true slow motion? Nowadays, they just do lazy slo-mo, step-printing each frame as an afterthought. As convincing as Grandpa cranking down his 8mm projector. Alas.

Tuesday, December 16, 2003 - Who am I to argue? According to the latest issue of games™ magazine, The Fool’s Errand is the “Greatest Retro Game Ever.” That’s games™ magazine published in the UK versus GAMES magazine published in the US. Both have more in common than their name. Neither has a website to which I can link. That inner child “dangling participle” shame prevents me from saying “Neither has a website which I can link to.” In the unpublished Q&A, games™ magazine asks “Do you worry that in the age of games having ‘great graphics’ that The Fool and his Money might get overlooked?” That’s when I shoved the gun barrel in my mouth and leapt out the window. Fortunately, I am lying — but about which parts?

Wednesday, December 17, 2003 - “Majestic, moving and immense, The Return of the King is about as awesome as cinema gets. Sure, there are some problems, but it’s hard to imagine a more assured adaptation of the final volume of JRR Tolkien’s fantasy masterwork,” says the BBC.Not hard for me. I can imagine it. I waited two years to see Mr. Frodo, ring in hand, stand on the cliff’s edge overlooking the boiling lava of Mt. Doom. I expected to return to the shadow world of Sauron, the bleak, windy, howling, terrifying dimension visited twice in Fellowship when Frodo dared to wear the One Ring.Fritz Perls says, “I am not in this world to live up to other people’s expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine.”

Thursday, December 18, 2003 - The following blasphemy is courtesy of Landover Baptist, “The Return of the King is NOT About Jesus! Hellywood had duped us again.” Church members instinctively reached for their guns, firing volley after volley until the screen was in shreds. Then two elder deacons, whose rifles were equipped with modern flamethrowers, torched the wall separating the theater from the lobby, instantly igniting a forty-gallon drum of tropical oil next to the popcorn machine, creating a fireball that enveloped the concession area. Fortunately, all members of the audience were safely evacuated, with only minor injuries reported, before the complex was razed, and fatalities were limited to 24 blue-collar theater employees.”