Issue
Six
June
2003 |
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©2003
by
Cliff
Johnson
All
Rights
Reserved |
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| Wise men think alike. |
the officious newsletter of author Cliff Johnson |
Fools seldom differ. |
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>Take
One<
Employer:
“For this job, we need someone
who is responsible.”
Applicant:
“I’m your man. At my
last job, anytime anything went
wrong, they said I was responsible.”
>Take
Two<
George
Bernard Shaw declares “Liberty
means responsibility. That is why
most men dread it.” Newton
Minow observes “We’ve
gotten to the point where everybody’s
got a right and nobody’s got
a responsibility.” And Dan
Quayle orates “One word sums
up the responsibility of any vice
president, and that is to be
prepared.”
>Take
Three<
Last
time I wrote “For the followers
of this newsletter, all seven of
you...” and I received more
eMails than fingers asking me if
this were true. Circulation to date
is less than 100,000 and greater
than 390.
>Take
Four<
Why
do programmers always get Christmas
and Halloween mixed up?
Because
DEC 25 = OCT 31.
I’ve
no idea what this means.
>Take
Five<
Click
here
(or here)
for the full listing of the Cartoon
Laws of Physics, and remember, if
you’re a ‘Toon, everything
falls faster than an anvil.
>Take
Six<
If
receiving this newsletter is viewed
as a portent of doom akin to seeing
a slash in a photograph of yourself,
The
Omen, 1976, or seeing your
face blur in a video monitor, The
Ring, 2002, click
here to cancel.
However,
if a childhood sweetheart forwarded
this newsletter to you and you wish
to subscribe, click
here.
>Take
Seven<
Commercials
are everywhere. Click on a web page,
and bippity-boppity-boo, a shower
of sparkly pixels superimpose the
page and transform into a box of
Ritz Crackers. Television runs little
animated banner ads along the bottom
of the screen. And in the last year,
movie theaters have gone whole hog,
showing 10-20 commercials before
the feature presentation, many of
them for TV shows. Movies telling
you to watch TV and TV telling you
to watch movies.
From
Roger
Ebert’s Movie Answer Man:
“Having
heard moviegoers boo and ridicule
the paid commercials, I am puzzled
why advertisers would want to offend
audiences in this way. Since theaters
place great emphasis on how many
times they can show a movie in a
day, the addition of 20 minutes
of paid commercials will sooner
or later result in pressure for
shorter movies — a penalty
for filmmakers and audiences.
“John
Fithian, president of the National
Association of Theater Owners, has
been quoted as saying: “You
can either have movies with ads
and pay $7 a ticket, or you can
pay $12 a ticket and not have commercials.”
“If
anyone has found a first-run theater
that has lowered its prices because
of commercials, please let me know.
“In
the meantime, Chicago area attorney
Douglas Litowitz has filed a class-action
lawsuit against commercials in movie
theaters, and has established a
Web site about his campaign at No
Movie Ads.”
From
the Miami Herald:
“Regal
has created a 20-minute block of
programming called “The 2wenty”
and signed deals with Turner, NBC,
Vivendi Universal Entertainment
and others. The program is shown
in the 20 minutes before a film’s
scheduled start. Regal has 2,000
screens equipped with the projectors
and plans to double that by year’s
end. Industry executives, meanwhile,
said they are sensitive to the dangers
of pushing too much advertising
on audiences.
“Our
goal is to create a pre-show program
customers actually like,”
said Kurt Hall, Regal CineMedia’s
chief executive officer. “If
we did it poorly or we did too much
of it, we would scare away customers.”
From
the Fool:
“Scare
us away? We are the quintessential
captive audience. If all theaters
start doing this, what’s the
alternative? Wait for the DVD?
“Is
there any possible way the public
can prevent this from happening?
The FNC (Fools for No Commercials)
urges moviegoers not to attend any
films this 4th of July holiday weekend
and to picket theaters, shouting
whatever it is that picketers shout.
Would this make a difference? Oh
yeah. Will anyone do this, me included?
Of course not. Legally
Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde
opens that weekend!
>Cut<
>Print< |
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As
summer shines on The
Fool and his Money, I contemplate
“Halloween! That’s
135 days away? Why am I squandering
valuable time on this newsletter!”
Each new
day brings more Pre-orders
and True Believers and my
thanks. If you click the Tarot cards
on my home
page, you can recount the
tale of The
Fool’s Errand. Also,
you can brave a hefty download and
peek at the Rider-Waite
Tarot deck, my initial inspiration
for the short story, 22 years
ago. |
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 egarding
the fourteen lost treasures
of the Land, the High Priestess
had boasted “I have
no use for such foolish trinkets.
I have simply disguised them
from the sight of their owners.”
And
the Magician counseled “The
land is in great need, my
friend, and only you will
have seen all of its secrets.
Once you have returned the
fourteen treasures to their
rightful owners, peace will
be restored to the land.”
The Fool shuffled his foot
along the dirt floor.
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“But
I had hoped,” he began meekly.
“Well, actually I had hoped
to claim the fourteen treasures
for myself.”
“And
what would you do with such things?”
said the Magician with a smile.
“If you are able to accomplish
this great task, I know that you
will find what you are truly seeking
in the end.”
The restoration
of the fourteen treasures averted
war between the four Kingdoms and
the Fool earned his gift of wisdom,
imprisoning
the High Priestess in her
own Tarot card. It did not, however,
diminish his dreams of riches as
the Magician had supposed.
Having
no trade skills, the Fool is destitute.
What he comes to realize is that
the enchantments of the High Priestess
were not limited to the fourteen
treasures. Bewitched and “disguised
from the sight of their owners”
are family heirlooms, antiques,
baubles: trinkets of royalty and
keepsakes of common folk alike.
The Fool barters his services as
a purveyor of wisdom, and in turn,
he gains knowledge, for each enchantment
reveals secrets about its owner.
These secrets prove useful in obtaining
his dreams of grandeur.
Next:
The Eye of Horus guides the Fool
to the Great Pyramid of Thoth.
Say
what? |
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The
answer to the Logic
Puzzle of the May
Issue, courtesy of J.B.
Some
feedback on the table design
as an alternate way of solving
logic puzzles.
One
said “In terms of the
process, it worked fine for
me, though given a choice,
I think I still prefer the
checkbox system, especially
because that allows for the
cross-reference clues. For
example, with your system,
the ‘tailor did not
succumb to the sin of pride’
clue is difficult to check
off until more of the grid
is filled in.”
Another
said “In response to
your question about how I
felt about the logic table
difference, I found it interesting.
Back in elementary school,
I was introduced to the logic
deductive reasoning table
puzzles such as this. We did
tons of them, and they were
great fun. As I’m sure
you’re aware, the difference
is that in the traditional
puzzle, the table is a grid
of empty boxes with all names,
occupations, and what-not
along both the X and Y axes.
“When a match is ruled
out, an X is put in the corresponding
box. It was strange doing
this in your grid because
it forced me to get the correct
millennium correct for one
of the names, occupations,
or sins before continuing.
With the other method, I could
have, using the first clue
for an example, immediately
put an X in the box at the
crossing of gluttony and Peter
right away. I couldn’t
do this with your table, so
I put little “not equal
to” and ordering notes
next to each clue. It forced
me to think a little deeper
and see the order more in
my head before I could start
eliminating items. Good job
on this puzzle, as usual.”
Start
another said “I love
these sorts of things. I did
get on a false trail at first
and needed to start over,
because my assumption about
when the millennia started
were different. (There was
no definition for all this
in the instructions.) I had
been going on the Archbishop
Usher dating that had the
first 4 millennia going from
4000BC to 1 BC, and us being
in the 7th millennium right
now. This made clue #7* unworkable.
So I started over, with the
idea that Gluttony at least
didn’t belong to the
first millennium, and the
I solved it.”
*Clue
#7 was subsequently clarified.
For more logic puzzles and
how to solve them, visit The
Mystery Master.
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Fascinating
what my best buddy,
Dead Weight, can do
with a mouse and an
online marker at GE’s
Imagination
at Work.
“The
plane will be landing
momentarily,”
said the flight attendant.
“We’re
only going to touch
down for just a moment?”
said the English teacher
in seat 36B.
“I
assure you. My precautions
ensure our safety. You
are insured?”
“I’ve
already got my sneakers
on. When will you be
all ready?”
“By
the way, that was a
great buy — bye!”
Til
the middle of July.
Car
Jack. |
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