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Issue Eleven August 2004 |
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©2004 by Cliff Johnson All Rights Reserved |
| Youth is too precious a thing to be wasted on the young. |
the officious newsletter of author Cliff Johnson | Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. |
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>Take
One< Steve Wright recalls: I was going 70 miles an hour and got stopped by a cop who said, “Do you know the speed limit is 55 miles per hour?” “Yes, officer, but I wasn’t going to be out that long.” >Take Two< More things Bart Simpson is writing on the blackboard at the beginning of each Simpsons’ episode: Funny noises are not funny. I will not prescribe medication. Beans are neither fruit nor musical. Five days is not too long to wait for a gun. There are plenty of businesses like show business. Organ transplants are best left to the professionals. >Take Three< Time capsule from the Monday, September 29, 2003, Rivulets of Consciousness: At the end of the job interview, the Human Resources person asks the young applicant, “And what starting salary are you looking for?” The applicant says, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer replies, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years — say, a red Corvette?” The applicant sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?” The interviewer replies, “Yes, but you started it.” >Take Four< Rod Serling surmises, “It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every ten minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.” >Take Five< Here to report on the cleanliness of the human gene pool, The Darwin Awards tell of a 38-year-old man enjoying a hockey game with friends on Kingsmere Lake, Canada, when he attempted a Polar Bear swim between two holes cut two meters apart on the lake. He dove in at 1:30 AM and failed to resurface. Frantic friends jumped in but were unable to find him. They aimed car headlights at the hole to help Adrian find his way back, but to no avail. “The water was only waist deep,” said the man’s brother. “He must have gotten disoriented.” Adrian’s frigid body was recovered Saturday by firefighters, not far from the ice hole that tempted him to his doom. It is common knowledge that it is nearly impossible to find a small hole in the ice once you’ve slid beneath the surface. Particularly when you are suffering from the effects of hypothermia: low blood pressure, confusion, and weakness. Not common enough, apparently. >Take Six< If receiving this newsletter is as welcome as 83% humidity on a 105º summer day, click here to cancel. On the other hand, if you’ve intercepted this newsletter in an Outer Limits/Cliff Robertson/Galaxy Being fashion and wish to subscribe instead, click here. >Take Seven< “Brevity is the soul of wit.” - William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616) “Brevity is the soul of lingerie.” - Dorothy Parker (1893 - 1967) >Cut< >Print< |
The Duchess bids on everything, but her bids never exceed 100, therefore she never wins anything. She stays to the end of the auction, hoping to win just one thing.
The Blacksmith has his eye on the knife and will pay up to 500 for it. If he pays less than 500 or is outbid for the knife, he bids on the tablecloth, the quilt, and the one treasure. Once he spends 500, he leaves the auction.
The Heiress is only interested in something if it costs more than 1000 and then she bids on it. Once the bid exceeds 2000, she loses interest again.
The Spinster wants the table and tablecloth and will pay up to 1000 total. If she pays less than 1000 or is outbid for the table or tablecloth, she stays to bid on the quilt and the one treasure. Once she spends 1000, she leaves the auction.
The Shopkeeper wants the music box and will pay up to 3000. If he pays less than 3000 or is outbid for the music box, he stays to bid on all the other items. Once he spends 3000, he leaves the auction.
The Merchant wants the chandelier and chair and will pay up to 5000 total. If he pays less than 5000 or is outbid for the chandelier or chair, he stays to bid on all the other items. Once he spends 5000, he leaves the auction.
How can The Fool possibly win the one treasure with a single coin? He does note, however, that the Spinster leaves the auction — if she doesn’t win the oaken table.
All this and more in The Fool and his Money, shouted the Fool who cried “Deadline!” Pre-order today and have your name immortalized in the Compendium of True Believers inside the game.
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The
Second Annual April Fool’s Day Treasure
Hunt Errand attracted over three times
the traffic as it did last year and double
the winners. The Grand Prize Winner’s
eMail arrived 3 hours 47 minutes
into the game. Reporting it in this newsletter
occurred 112 days later. The Grand Prize Winners were The South Dorm Puzzle Solving Team of Harvey Mudd College of Jon Azose, John Parker, Sam Skillman, Kris Karr, James Moore, Blondie Beckwith, and Martha Cavanaugh-O’Keefe. This crowd is not to be confused with the Grand Prize winners of The First Annual April Fool’s Day Treasure Hunt Errand, The East Dorm Puzzle Solving Team of Harvey Mudd College. The ex-Just-Blaine-Crazies swore a blood oath and vowed to clobber the college kids next year (and they had their chance on May Day, 2004. See next issue.) |
| As
to the 2004 April Fool’s Errand,
you can still read
the story, print and assemble
the map, solve the thirty-four 3x3
grids (even if you played the hunt
last April Fool’s, these are all-new
and recommended, especially if you’re
at work and under a deadline) and solve
the whole affair all in about two hours! The notion for this treasure hunt arose from the idea of linking together two 3x3 grids to spell a six-letter word. In The Fool and his Money, there is new mischief with twelve-letters words being formed in similar manner by connecting four 3x3 grids, but I get ahead of myself. If you wish to play the 2004 April Fool’s Errand now, skip ahead, for there be spoilers below. |
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| Like
the 2003 April Fool’s Errand, I
invented another unique method for gathering
the highlighted letters to spell the final
answer. My game design theory is this
— I don’t want the puzzlers
to be able to guess the answer after only
gathering half the highlighted letters.
I need a gimmick to keep the puzzlers
focused on one task until it is completed,
and then and only then, they can figure
out what to do with the highlighted letters. Solving the 2004 April Fool’s Errand had two basic “ah-ha’s!” The first was to realize that Miss April designed her map with an April Fool’s prank to keep you on your toes. That is, one of the thirty-four 3x3 grids had the letter K in its corner, rather than a blank circle. The police report concluded that this was the cause of my windows being soaped and my front yard T-P-ed. The second was to realize to gather letters from the map pieces following Miss April’s hint at the beginning of the story, “Up and down, up and down, like the first of March.” This first of March is an M and an M goes up and down, up and down. This is the pattern to gather the highlighted letters up and down the 4x4 map grid. A third tiny “ah-ha!” is to realize that, though the map pieces are ordered, within each map piece, the highlighted letters are in no particular order, vaguely similar to the Tarot Cards in the $100,000 Challenge. {Click and drag to reveal the answer.} “Don’t try to teach your grandma to suck eggs” is a odd proverb which means purely, “do not attempt to instruct an expert in his or her own trade.” Here is the full list of Winners and the Solution, the latter clarifies the answer with three map examples. |
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Fun with
Babelfish.
Enter a sentence in English. “Man
invented language to satisfy his deep
need to complain.” Translate it
to French. “Équipez la langue
inventée pour satisfaire à
son besoin profond de se plaindre.”
Then translate that to German. “Statten
Sie die erfundene Sprache aus, um ihrer
tiefen Notwendigkeit zu genügen,
sich zu beklagen.” Then translate
that back to English. “They equip
the invented language in order to meet
their deep necessity to deplore themself.” |
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After suffering
through four years of high school German,
I went to University of Denver where they
had no language requirement. There was
much rejoicing throughout the land. When
I realized that DU was PU in film studies,
I transferred to USC and was slapped with
three more years of German. Despite this
egregious injustice, I created my first
animated film based upon a German poem
by Rainer Maria Rilke. Here is the poem,
Der
Panther, and five English translations.
Until we meet again. Complete Juvenile |
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