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Issue Fourteen November 2005 |
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©2005 by Cliff Johnson All Rights Reserved |
| The dog who attends a flea circus... |
the officious newsletter of author Cliff Johnson | ... will most likely steal the whole show. |
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>Take
One< Robert Wilensky comments, “We’ve all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.” >Take Two< From résumé readings: “I am extremely loyal to my present firm, so please don’t let them know of my immediate availability.” “I was working for my mom until she decided to move.” “Please don’t misconstrue my last 14 jobs as ‘job-hopping.’ I have never quit a job.” >Take Three< A gentleman strolled into the bakery and carefully studied each and every pastry displayed in the glass case. When a clerk approached him and asked, “What would you like?” He answered, “I’d like that chocolate cream-filled doughnut, that glazed strawberry jelly doughnut, and that cheese Danish.” Then he added with a sigh, “But I’ll take that oat-bran muffin.” >Take Four< Steven Wright confides, “I have two very rare photographs. One is a picture of Houdini locking his keys in his car. The other is a photograph of Norman Rockwell spanking a child.” “When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, “Well, what do you need?” “It’s a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds died, they’d just stay right up there. Duck hunters would be all confused.” >Take Five< Sniglets are words that don’t appear in the dictionary but ought to. Aquadextrous is the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with either set of toes. Musquirt is the water that comes out of the initial squeeze of a plastic mustard bottle. Flopcorn are the unpopped kernels at the bottom of the cooker. >Take Six< If receiving this newsletter is as welcome as notice of a Christmas Eve tax audit, click here to cancel. On the other hand, if you received this newsletter because you lost this bar bet: “I bet you I can name all fifty states in sixty seconds!” “You’re on!” “All fifty states.” And you wish to subscribe nevertheless, click here. >Take Seven< A Chinese proverb goes, “A diamond with a flaw is worth more than a pebble without imperfections.” On the other hand, in Baltimore, Maryland, Donald Manison has been forced to live in his 1998 Dodge Caravan in fear of possibly disturbing the perfection that is his house. “I became obsessive, everything in the house was so photo-perfect that I was eventually scared of walking on the carpet in fear that I might disturb the direction of the carpet threads.” Magazines wanting a glimpse and photos of the perfect house were limited to viewing through opened ground floor windows. When asked how long he will continue his present lifestyle he replied, “If living in my mini-van is payment for a perfect house, I’m willing to pay.” >Cut< >Print< |
Carrying
the High Priestess card, or perhaps more accurately,
the High Priestess inside her card (see
The
Finale of The Fool’s Errand), the
Fool is accosted by many strange characters
wishing to buy, bargain, or barter for that
card.It seems that, once the Fool had fooled the High Priestess and imprisoned her, all of the High Priestess cards in the Land simply vanished. This fostered all manner of gossip and hearsay, the most intriguing rumor being that the holder of this One High Priestess card would be endowed with the ability to wield her dark powers. The Fool, however, has heard no such rumor.
“You there,” a man shouts from his plow horse-drawn wagon. “The name’s Ed Vice and my game’s Tarot. Care to wager your High Priestess card against my four Kings?”
“Under no circumstances,” the Fool answers. “Of what possible good are four King cards anyway?”
“Only a penniless tomfool would ask that,” Vice laughs. “Just show the right King to the right people and you’ll never have to pay any Kingdom taxes, tariffs, or tolls ever again. Why, owning all four King cards can save you a King’s ransom in a single fortnight. Now do we have a wager?”
The Fool accepts,
believing himself to be an expert, yet it is
not the game of Tarot he had played before —
it is Imperial Tarot, a game devised
by the Empress and the Emperor whose scoring
system is entirely different, including a 99
point penalty if you are caught with a lone
Fool in your hand.In The Fool and his Money, the Fool will encounter four other games of Tarot as well, one favored by each Kingdom, each with different rules, and each using more and more cards from the seventy-seven remaining cards of the Tarot deck.
Pre-order today! There’s still time to have your name immortalized in the Compendium of True Believers inside the game.
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The question
on everyone’s mind is “when
will you make an end?” Some of you might have noticed that the ever-retreating countdown clock is now set to December 18. This is the current plan and my most fervent desire, seeing as U.S. postal rates go up 5% in January. To be fair, I need to point out that a great deal of luck must precede this deadline, for the devil is in the details, and it is those particulars that matter the most. I am still on the case and I will not relent. |
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The game
shall be done. The game shall be great.
At times like this, I am fond of recalling Monty Python’s The Meaning of Life when the lads finally get around to telling us The Meaning of Life, and it is this: “Try to be nice to people, avoid eating fat, read a good book every now and then, get some walking in, and try to live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations.” Curtain Jitters |
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