>Take One<
     Do undertakers enjoy their job? — Of corpse!
     How does a werewolf sign his letters? — Best vicious!
     What did one ghost say to the other ghost? — “Do you believe in people?”
     Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? — No, they eat the fingers separately.
     Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends? — They’re too wrapped up in themselves.
     Did you hear why the cannibal was expelled from school? — He was caught buttering up his teacher.
      >Take Two<
     When Pepsi Cola translated their ad campaign for Taiwan, the slogan was supposed to read “Come Alive with the Pepsi Generation.” However, translated into Chinese it read, “Pepsi Will Bring Your Ancestors Back From the Dead.”
     >Take Three<
     Two men walking home decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery. They were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise and found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
     “Yikes, Mister!” one of them shouted after catching his breath, “You scared us half to death — we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?”
     “Those fools!” the old man grumbled. “They misspelled my name!”
     >Take Four<
     Willie fell down the elevator.
     Wasn’t found till six days later.
     Then the neighbors sniffed, “Gee whiz!
     What a spoiled child Willie is.”
     >Take Five<
     Alfred Hitchcock admitted, “I’m frightened of eggs, worse than frightened, they revolt me. That white round thing without any holes — have you ever seen anything more revolting than an egg yolk breaking and spilling its yellow liquid? Blood is jolly red. But egg yolk is yellow, revolting. I’ve never tasted it.”
     He is also reported to have explained, “These are bagpipes. I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made sound never equaled the purity of the sound achieved by the pig.”
     >Take Six<
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     (Dustin Dubrie, Laura Norder, pronounce them aloud.)
     >Take Seven<
     My dear fiend, Bradley Peter Parker, the same artist who illustrated the label for my upcoming game and the Tarot cards as well, decided that instead of concentrating on his imminent move from California to Hawaii he’d set himself down and dash me off the featured illustration above. Monstrous thanks!
     Also, Steven Wright just realized, “If Dracula can’t see his reflection in the mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?”
     >Cut<
     >Print<